This graphic explain my week in a nutshell. The good, the bad and even the down right ugly. Which is okay, for the most part.
The week started good leading into messiness which started stress and ended here with an ‘ah ha’ moment. This blog isn’t just about me as an artist. It’s about my work, my passions, my life and the in betweens. It’s amazing, tough, stressful and beautiful all jumbled together. I want you to come into my life a little more because I feel we are all connected in more ways than one and maybe, just maybe, when we share these stories we don’t feel so alone.
More work has been done on my elephants, yay! Slowly coming to the end but with a lot more to go through. The most difficult part with this piece is that it’s a pretty large drawing. So, you spend a lot of time on one area and it feels like you haven’t gotten anything done. But, the truth is you have. Because if you rush through any piece with detail, it’s going to be done quickly and it won’t look so great.
So the pace has been right, just a little frustrating. Which is totally fine too 🙂
I have a few other drawing lined up which always feels good. One frustrating part right now is focusing on the piece I am working on. With several other things going on I am re-learning how to focus on one thing at a time. Meditation is slowly helping with that 🙂
And when I mean sleep, I should say the lack there of. I’ve had a sleep issue for a while now. And I am learning how to prioritize it better, not easy when you have a hard time falling asleep or staying asleep many nights.
Although the week start well, by the time yesterday hit I was beat down. To the point of not being able to put a sentence together, wanting to eat crap food and not being hungry at all. When you’re tired, you start to lose it slightly.
Which leads into….
I am a dedicated workout chic. I know how to lift, what exercises work well for a certain body part, the best foods to eat, what to stay away from, ect. I know my health inside and out. However, I also know I have been struggling with binge eating for a while now. At least 5 months now and it’s not simple.
It doesn’t take a genius to know you can eat through any workout. Especially if you have a body type like mine that can put on weight easily. I’m healthy, I’m at a great weight but truth be told I’d like more. I’ve always wanted to have that toned athletic body and be athletic. That is another goal which I can arrive at as long as I can get my issues in check.
Which is one reason why I started therapy. It’s time, it’s been time for a while now. But taking that one step feels great. Being able to talk to my therapist all week has helped me move through this week without to much destruction. I’ve slipped at times but I also got back up right away.
We all have those ‘ah ha’ moments. Those times when the pieces seem to finally fit. Well, about one hour ago I had that moment. And I hope to have many more throughout this journey.
I realized this with a reason why I binge. As a kid I was told many times by different people in my life that I couldn’t do something. We all were a certain times I’m sure. However, when you are told this so often, you start to believe it. I thought I moved past it but I haven’t yet. (Thank you therapy for helping me there!)
For me, the food represents something I want to overcome or do. In this case, not eat the trigger foods. My mind (which during the binge moments is like an itch I have to scratch) are people telling me I can’t overcome or do something. Well, I started to believe that and I give into temptation. After the short lived satisfaction, I feel guilty with those old voices in my mind going “told you so”.
I do this with other things but I didn’t realize I was doing this with food as well! Ah Ha!
The point is, don’t do something to prove others wrong. Do it for yourself. Have your reason Why and make it personal. I have my personal whys but I’m not looking at them. I’m looking at “is this what this person would want?” Not groovy.
Honestly, just do you. Easier said than done but possible. Join me on the journey. It’s scary and hard but by sharing it becomes a little easier to handle. 🙂