“Relieve your pain. Shedding tears is good for the soul.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita, Beautiful Quotes
Memories are deep within us all. Most of us have memories we would rather just shove down our throat, swallow and never hear from them again. In a perfect world that would be possible. However, we must learn how to deal and learn from these difficult memories. They build us.
I am someone that likes to venture into other subjects. Psychology is one of them. The mind is a fascinating place. We know more about space than the human brain, that is intense. The classic question of “how was your childhood” comes up when people hear the word psychology or psychologist. In truth, that is the building block of our lives. It’s where our reactions to many things are based out of.
There is no such thing as ‘perfect parents’, parents are people too and they also make mistakes. We must learn to realize that and guess what, that’s okay. My mom made mistakes with me but hey, that’s common. I still love her, she raised me well. I am thankful and very blessed to have such a beautiful mother to turn to.
Now, why am I, an ‘artist, talking about this? Because these are things that have built me and also things I still battle to this day. I feel that it’s a good time to bring you all a little more into my world. So, what battles do I face almost daily? I’ll tell you.
When someone is upset or annoyed, I battle the thought that something is my fault. Something I did made them upset, in my mind it’s obvious. However, this feeling was placed in me when I was little. My mom and I had a fiery relationship after she remarried. The older I got, the more we fought. And most of the time, I didn’t understand why she was mad at me. I could walk into a room and a fight would occur. Hence, someone is pissed, it’s my fault.
Now, I know she wasn’t mad at me for anything. It was a way for her to release that anger because of how things were going. Her husband, at the time, was becoming a drug addict, jobless and verbally abusive to us. It was only a matter of time before it became physical. Thankfully, because of her, we got out.
I could go on and on with stories. But let’s save that for other posts. Other things I battle are fear of gaining weight back, failing at my job, disappointing people and not letting those bad memories tear me down. It’s hard, scary and a damn rough ride.
At 26 now, I talk to myself when these emotions occur. There is a tool I use that I learned from Tara Brach, a clinical psychologist and meditation teacher. It’s called RAIN:
Recognize – notice what you are feeling/happening.
Allow – allow those emotions to occur, let it be. It’s normal to feel them.
Investigate – ask yourself questions. What is going one? Why am I reacting this way? How do I feel physically, mentally about this? ect.
Non-identification – understanding to not take this event personally. Don’t let your emotions control you.
(Click Here for a more extensive explanation on her site)
I highly recommend practicing this. It’s scary at times yes, but it’s worth exploring. As always, if some things are to painful to investigate, seek professional help. ‘Crazy’ people aren’t the only ones to see therapists, everyone does.
In time, I personally would like to see a therapist to work through my emotions that I cannot handle on my own.
When those memories happen or you react in a historical way like me with someone being mad at me, ask yourself why you are doing this. Let that bad turn to good by learning a little more about yourself. It’s not weird or strange, in fact it is quite brave.
Be Well and Be Kind.
Next Post will be a tutorial on my latest drawing, Christopher.